Archive for May, 2009

The Baby Warming

Or Baby Non-Shower or Pre-Baby Afternoon Tea or whatever you want to call it. We wanted an opportunity to get together with friends and celebrate our baby’s impending arrival and thank them for their love and support after the last few bumpy years. Strictly no presents (we have so much stuff already) and no baby games – just a house filled with the people we love the most.

We invited about 50 people – expecting about half to come. As it turned out 43 people plus the 3 parents-to-be all crammed into our house on Sunday afternoon for a star themed afternoon tea. It was just a fabulous afternoon – we were completely overwhelmed by everyone’s excitement and happiness for us. Our baby’s gorgeous godmother gave a speech complete with rainbow fairy wings and a wand as props that brought people to tears and made L, J and I feel utterly blessed to have her in our baby’s life.

Our one concession to baby shower type games was to have a tin where anyone could guess the baby’s stats. So far the consensus is split pretty evenly between boys and girls, between the 14-16th of June was the most popular time for arrival – and apparently we might call our baby James, Talisa or Pineapple (apparently because Apple is already taken!)

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Seriously it was just an awesome day – although we thought things were going to get even more exciting when Lone had Braxton Hicks contractions every hour for 2 days. I headed off for my uni exam on Monday hopeful that I might be headed somewhere else later that day. I’ve always said I would be happy for bub to come any time after this weekend – once the Pink Concert, Baby-Warming and Uni exam were over. Those are done and dusted so the path is clear – but Bump seems to have other ideas!

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What a Difference a Year Makes

I have struggled with Mother’s Day since my Mum died a few days before it 8 years ago, and once we started TTC, each Mother’s Day that passed without a baby in our arms, became more unbearable. Last year on Mother’s Day – I realised just how much things had changed. Our best couple friends insisted they needed to see us and unexpectedly announced that they had started the process at the fertility clinic to have a baby. To say we were surprised was a definite understatement. One of them has a teen from a previous relationship and she’d been very vocal about not wanting more children. We actually thought they were coming over to tell us they were moving interstate again. Truthfully, I would’ve preferred to hear that instead.

Mother’s Day 2008 ended with L and I crying at the hopelessness of our situation, at the way infertility had changed us, and about the relationships that were suffering because of it. It would be one of the lowest points in our journey.

What a difference a year makes!

Mother’s Day 2009 was almost a non event. L and I had celebrated the night before with her parents, her brother and his girlfriend. So today we pottered around the house, watched some tv and did some packing for the hospital. We didn’t even really notice it was Mother’s Day, which was such a relief after the turmoil and grief this day has bought with it in the past. J sent us the sweetest message saying that although we missed an official first Mother’s Day this year by a few weeks, L and I were the best mums our baby could ask for. Really, what else could we ask for?

33 weeks, 6 days to go – but who’s counting?

Why Are We Our Own Worst Enemies Sometimes?

This morning I got a text from our friend K – saying how she couldn’t believe our baby was due in seven weeks and how excited she and her partner A were.  What an awesome way to start the day (and week 33).  Our baby is kicking and moving and wriggling up a storm in there.  We are so looking forward to meeting this precious baby at last.  I am tearing up at the thought of it.

I spent the day working on a uni assignment and reading some random blogs in between.  I somehow stumbled onto this blog and have cried through this woman’s story. It is just terrifying – I can’t imagine what it must be like. And reading through her blog – it seems to be a reoccurring theme – bio parents keeping children from their non bio parents when the relationship ends. That is bad enough – add to the mix that your ex partner goes from lesbian co-parent to full “jesus loves me and wants me to keep our child away from you” and that is a whole other story. I just admire this woman who loves her child so much she will continue fighting for her against all odds.

As lesbians we have to work harder to create our families. We actively have to make decisions regarding donors, which one of us will be the birth/bio parent, we consider fertility treatment options and for most of us that means talking and talking and talking long before any baby is ever conceived. We fight to ensure that no-one undermines our families and that everyone understands that biology is not what makes a parent. So how do we then get to the place where we use biology as a weapon against ourselves? How do we break up our families and hurt our children that were so wanted and loved from the beginning?

I’d like to think that if L and I ever broke up, we’d be good ex-partners. We’d be polite and respectful and ensure our child knew how much each of us loved them, and therefore each other. That we’d find a way back from whatever it was that made us end the relationship until we could love each other again – even if it was as co-parents instead of partners. I know that neither one of us would turn to religion and use it against the other. But I guess others thought that too, and were wrong.

But seeing as L and I are never going to break up, I shall instead be thankful that I have the most amazing woman in my life and in a very short time, she and I are going to have the most amazing child in our arms. Ours.