The Paper Trail of Making Babies

Now that J had agreed to be Our Boy, we headed into the paperwork side of things.  We’d made an appointment to see the gynocologist attached to the clinic as well as to see the clinic counsellor for the mandatory counselling required by everyone using the clinic.

Appointment with gyno went well – she asked us lots of questions and after we explained everything to her, she smiled and told us we were one of the few lesbian couples she’d met who’d thought things through.  We are just like that – ask anyone.  She did tell us we had to lose weight (but not in hideous, “get out until you’ve lost half your body weight” kind of way, like we’d feared).  But basically she said that we’d have to wait 6 months to start treatment because of using a known donor (legal requirement) and as long as L lost 15 kilos in that time, she would be happy for us to start.

Before we headed off to the counsellor, we decided to write up a parenting contract between the 3 of us.  Basically to make sure we were all on the same page about rights and responsibilities, and also so we could show the counsellor we’d really thought things through.  So between several hours googling, several hours pondering and several hours typing and retyping – L and I had hashed out a proposed contract for J to look at.  He came for dinner (a reoccuring theme in our relationship) and we talked babies, and parenting, and birth plans, potential names, and extended families and everything under the sun.  Five pages of step by step guidelines in creating our family.

It gave us fantastic opportunities to talk about all kinds of things – even stuff we thought we already had.  I remember in the contract I wanted to be called “Mummy” while L would be “Mum” (always irritated me that bio mums always seem to be mummy) and J said – “So I will be J***”.  L and I looked at him like he had two heads – what’s wrong with being “Daddy”.  He’d assumed we wouldn’t want the baby calling him dad.  Wrong.  I mean, it’s not like either of us wanted to be Dad.

Finally the epic contract was finished – and we marched off to see the JP at J’s work to have it notorised.  Under our state law, J would have no rights as a donor anyway, but we liked the idea of having a written statement of our intentions.  We were a bit nervous about using the JP at J’s work (weird boundaries there) but seriously, the poor old chap was so blind, he actually signed one page half on the paper and half on the desk.  Not sure how that would stand up in Court!

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2 Comments »

  1. Anna Said:

    It’s wonderful to read about responsible parenting before active parenting.

    Your epic contract is about communicating and coming to a point where three people can see each other at the start of a common journey. Like you, I am also a person who thinks things through before going through. I call us “life planner”, except once a while, I get thrown off balance by life’s little potholes because they are not in my plan. I want to share something I’ve learned on my journey of parenting: many little contracts equal one epic contract.

    Thank you for sharing your parenting journey with us, and best luck to you, L and J.

  2. Saffron Said:

    Good words.


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