Bad Blogger

Tomorrow our son will be two months old. It seems ridiculous to me that time has gone by so quickly. I keep waiting for a reprieve, for things to stand still for a moment while I catch up, but everything keeps moving right along.

Quinn is a dream baby. He is super laid back, easy going, goes with the flow, eats well, sleeps well and is happy to be dragged from pillar to post to see everyone who loves him. L, J and I spend hours looking at him, wondering how it is we actually ended up with this living, breathing miracle. I love his intense stares, the way he makes “dolphin” noises in his sleep and way he snuggles into my chest on the couch in the evenings. And although I love the fact that our son is so strong and healthy, I wish he would slow down a little in the development stakes – rolling at four weeks was not in my plans for him!

We have settled into a nice easy pattern of parenthood, where things are mostly the same as before, but a thousand times better because he is here with us. We have taken him to restaurants, holidays to the country, quiz night, birthday parties and pubs – and he has taken it all in his stride. I am amazed at how relaxed L and I are as parents – I assumed we would be highly strung and neurotic after our very long, complicated journey to parenthood, but somehow we aren’t.

I am overwhelmed by how much I love him already.



Quinn’s First Holiday

L and I took Quinn down south for a few days before I return to work next week. It was peaceful and relaxing, just what we needed after the last 3 weeks. Quinn was a superstar – and slept for almost the entire 4 hour drive both way.

We stayed in our favourite cabin overlooking the water and enjoyed time to relax with our boy. We also found time for a few happy snaps for the family album too (of course!)

Quinn’s Birth Story

L was induced on Friday night, the day before her due date, due to very low blood pressure. The 3 of us sat in the birthing suite at the hospital, talking and laughing and anxiously waiting to meet our child. When nothing happened by 11pm, J went home to get some sleep – and L and I tried to do the same (easier said than done in a hospital).

At 8am the next morning our OB broke L’s waters to speed things up – at which point she decided that she was having an epidural. L has been adamantly opposed to epidurals all through this process – so I knew she must have been in a heap of pain to even consider it – and truthfully, I was relieved she wanted one. I dreaded the idea of seeing her in pain but I was trying not to influence her choices.

The anaesthetist came and put in the epidural (poor L had to sit perfectly still through several contractions) and then she was able to relax a bit. L was only 2cm dilated and we decided that I would go and pick up some clothes and stuff I had forgotten from home. Nothing much was happening anyway, right?

After pottering around for a couple of hours at home, I went back to the hospital and wandered in casually. While I was waiting at the lifts I got a very urgent call from the midwife Jeannie telling me to hurry back – I could barely press the lift buttons fast enough. L was in serious pain and everything was happening very quickly. The epidural hadn’t work and she was involuntarily pushing before her cervix had dilated properly. We decided to try a spinal block to slow things down – which also didn’t work. I managed to quickly call J and tell him to come straight away.

By this time, our OB arrived and I started to panic when I overheard him talking to Jeannie about his concerns. L was so out of it she didn’t even notice. There was some talk about how to manage a caesarian without a working spinal block but Jeannie told our OB that L was a “great pusher” and to look during her next contraction. I focused on getting L to breathe properly and had a quick glance to see if I could see anything – although I wasn’t expecting to.

Much to my surprise I could see our baby’s hair. I was so excited and told L she was almost there. And 3 pushes later (with a little help from the vacuum) out slid our perfect baby. As soon as I saw him I said to L, “We’ve got a boy” but she was a bit out of it by then so I called out to J who was standing at the side of the birthing suit. Thankfully, he was a bit more interested than L! Our boy let out a squawk and I burst into tears – I never thought I’d hear that sound at one stage.

Words can’t express how much I am in awe of my son. Or how amazingly proud I am of L and everything she has done to bring our boy safely into the world. Or how wonderful it felt to see how happy J was to meet our baby at last. I will never find enough words to tell our child how much we love him – but I will spend the rest of my life trying. He is perfection.


Our Happy Ending Turned Out to Just Be the Very Beginning

For the last four years since we started trying to have a baby, we have been totally and utterly focused on this moment – the day when our much anticipated baby would arrive. We all had different feelings and thoughts about what it would be like – but L, J and I were committed on making our dream of having baby a reality.

In the midst of all the trauma and heartbreak that infertility and multiple miscarriages brought to us, I saw having a baby as our happy ending that we were keep pursuing as long as we needed to. Only, it turned out that what I thought would be my happy ending – was really just the very beginning of life with our precious child.

Our precious son, Quinn Silas, has arrived!


Cabin Fever

I officially have pre-baby cabin fever. L and I did not make any plans for June because we were convinced that our baby would make an early appearance. Needless to say, no plans + no baby = two bored lesbians.

Luckily some of our friends have been up for impromptu brunches and coffee meets – and that is helping to pass the time. But I am very sad to be heading back to work tomorrow – I’d much rather be meeting my baby instead.

The Baby Warming

Or Baby Non-Shower or Pre-Baby Afternoon Tea or whatever you want to call it. We wanted an opportunity to get together with friends and celebrate our baby’s impending arrival and thank them for their love and support after the last few bumpy years. Strictly no presents (we have so much stuff already) and no baby games – just a house filled with the people we love the most.

We invited about 50 people – expecting about half to come. As it turned out 43 people plus the 3 parents-to-be all crammed into our house on Sunday afternoon for a star themed afternoon tea. It was just a fabulous afternoon – we were completely overwhelmed by everyone’s excitement and happiness for us. Our baby’s gorgeous godmother gave a speech complete with rainbow fairy wings and a wand as props that brought people to tears and made L, J and I feel utterly blessed to have her in our baby’s life.

Our one concession to baby shower type games was to have a tin where anyone could guess the baby’s stats. So far the consensus is split pretty evenly between boys and girls, between the 14-16th of June was the most popular time for arrival – and apparently we might call our baby James, Talisa or Pineapple (apparently because Apple is already taken!)


Seriously it was just an awesome day – although we thought things were going to get even more exciting when Lone had Braxton Hicks contractions every hour for 2 days. I headed off for my uni exam on Monday hopeful that I might be headed somewhere else later that day. I’ve always said I would be happy for bub to come any time after this weekend – once the Pink Concert, Baby-Warming and Uni exam were over. Those are done and dusted so the path is clear – but Bump seems to have other ideas!


What a Difference a Year Makes

I have struggled with Mother’s Day since my Mum died a few days before it 8 years ago, and once we started TTC, each Mother’s Day that passed without a baby in our arms, became more unbearable. Last year on Mother’s Day – I realised just how much things had changed. Our best couple friends insisted they needed to see us and unexpectedly announced that they had started the process at the fertility clinic to have a baby. To say we were surprised was a definite understatement. One of them has a teen from a previous relationship and she’d been very vocal about not wanting more children. We actually thought they were coming over to tell us they were moving interstate again. Truthfully, I would’ve preferred to hear that instead.

Mother’s Day 2008 ended with L and I crying at the hopelessness of our situation, at the way infertility had changed us, and about the relationships that were suffering because of it. It would be one of the lowest points in our journey.

What a difference a year makes!

Mother’s Day 2009 was almost a non event. L and I had celebrated the night before with her parents, her brother and his girlfriend. So today we pottered around the house, watched some tv and did some packing for the hospital. We didn’t even really notice it was Mother’s Day, which was such a relief after the turmoil and grief this day has bought with it in the past. J sent us the sweetest message saying that although we missed an official first Mother’s Day this year by a few weeks, L and I were the best mums our baby could ask for. Really, what else could we ask for?

33 weeks, 6 days to go – but who’s counting?

Why Are We Our Own Worst Enemies Sometimes?

This morning I got a text from our friend K – saying how she couldn’t believe our baby was due in seven weeks and how excited she and her partner A were.  What an awesome way to start the day (and week 33).  Our baby is kicking and moving and wriggling up a storm in there.  We are so looking forward to meeting this precious baby at last.  I am tearing up at the thought of it.

I spent the day working on a uni assignment and reading some random blogs in between.  I somehow stumbled onto this blog and have cried through this woman’s story. It is just terrifying – I can’t imagine what it must be like. And reading through her blog – it seems to be a reoccurring theme – bio parents keeping children from their non bio parents when the relationship ends. That is bad enough – add to the mix that your ex partner goes from lesbian co-parent to full “jesus loves me and wants me to keep our child away from you” and that is a whole other story. I just admire this woman who loves her child so much she will continue fighting for her against all odds.

As lesbians we have to work harder to create our families. We actively have to make decisions regarding donors, which one of us will be the birth/bio parent, we consider fertility treatment options and for most of us that means talking and talking and talking long before any baby is ever conceived. We fight to ensure that no-one undermines our families and that everyone understands that biology is not what makes a parent. So how do we then get to the place where we use biology as a weapon against ourselves? How do we break up our families and hurt our children that were so wanted and loved from the beginning?

I’d like to think that if L and I ever broke up, we’d be good ex-partners. We’d be polite and respectful and ensure our child knew how much each of us loved them, and therefore each other. That we’d find a way back from whatever it was that made us end the relationship until we could love each other again – even if it was as co-parents instead of partners. I know that neither one of us would turn to religion and use it against the other. But I guess others thought that too, and were wrong.

But seeing as L and I are never going to break up, I shall instead be thankful that I have the most amazing woman in my life and in a very short time, she and I are going to have the most amazing child in our arms. Ours.

Little Pleasures of An Insomniac

After a few too many long weekends (not that I am complaining) my body clock has been thrown out of whack and I am struggling to sleep at night. So I have been occupying myself quietly while L sleeps and I found this awesome website.

I love “discovering” new music – and some of my favourites have been chased from a snippet I’ve heard in the background on some tv show, like this from an episode of Brothers and Sisters.

A good find at 2am on a Tuesday.

What is the Non-god Version of Godmother Anyway?

Well, whatever it is, we have one!

Not just any one, mind you, one that was 30 years in the making. T and I have known each other our entire lives – we tell everyone we met “in Utero” because our mums were pregnant at the same time. We were born 6 weeks apart – her first of course – she always does everything first!

When L and I first talked about what we wanted in a “godparent” we wanted someone kind and clever, who was funny and adventurous and brave. Someone passionate, and thoughtful and caring and totally amazing. We were just lucky that we already had that person there all along.

So L, J, T and I headed out to dinner – the 4 originals – and despite bad service and mis-communication between the french waiter, we celebrated how our friendship had begun and where it had taken us to. And with the help of a heartfelt card and the little willow tree figurine “Angel of Caring”, we found ourselves the perfect Godmother. Even if we don’t believe in god!


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